Not really about running...

This is a different blog to normal, need to write it more for myself than anyone else, so feel free to stop reading or if you want to understand me a little better carry on!

It was pointed out the other day that I'm pretty rubbish in social situations, this wasn't big news to me I know, but have never really thought about how much it is affecting my life. 

I've never considered the possibility that maybe I have a social anxiety disorder, I have always found social interaction difficult. I can remember those moments at school where the teacher says they're going to pick someone to speak and you stare at your desk terrified it will be you and wishing to be invisible. 

I do have some people that I can talk to quite comfortably but if there is a group of people or people I'm not comfortable with or don't know I will be the one who is just listening, not really joining in, worried I might say the wrong thing, worried about being judged. In my head I have amazing conversations but that's usually where they stay as I can not pluck up the courage to turn those thoughts into words that you can hear. 

On the odd occasion I go to a party I have no clue as to how to join in a conversation, the fear of getting it wrong is bigger than just standing on the perimeter watching/listening. I am the same at races, that time before the start/finish when people are chatting, getting to know each other, I will try if you talk to me but would never consider going up and starting a conversation with someone I didn't know. 

I have been told by three separate people recently, all I have known for at least a year or more that 'they don't really know me.' This actually makes me a little sad that I can't just be myself and let those I  think of as friends know the real me. 

Maybe one of the reasons I like to run stupidly long distances is because it means I get to spend hours by myself, is it another way of avoiding being with people, don't get me wrong I love it and it is my passion but is it also an escape from social interaction? 

I don't at the moment have any answers as to how I can overcome this, I do know that I want to and I don't want to grow old and lonely with just the dog for company! 

It hasn't been easy writing this and although I know I can't change overnight. If you did read this far maybe it will help you to see me as someone who finds it really scary and difficult to talk/make conversation. I am not being deliberately unfriendly, aloof or unapproachable I am just not sure what to say...

Have a good week and happy running xx 

Halstead Marathon

The training plan said no faster than 9:15 minute miles and no slower than 9:45s. Had been training hard and was ready for race day. I actually made it to the start line reasonably relaxed, certainly not in my usual race day stress!! 

Lindley was unable to pace me round so Maxine had stepped in, we had our instructions, Maxine had apps on her watch all we had to do was run 26.2 miles in sub 4:15 hours. 

     With Maxine on the start line

The only thing I hadn't planned for was a hot day, almost as soon as we started the last little bit of cloud cover disappeared and the sun shone brightly. I've been reading lots of articles on mental toughness and overcoming things you have no control over on race day. All I could control was my pace, hydration, nutrition and keeping positive. So ignore the heat and run...

I ran with Maxine for about three miles, but after a tough weekend running in the Lake District the week before, she told me to go on. So a quick pep talk, which stayed with me I carried on alone. I caught up with John, a fellow member of Great Notley parkrun core team and we ran together till about mile 10, running more or less consistent 9:30 minute miles. I was eating at every even numbered mile marker and that strategy seemed to be working and I felt good but was starting to struggle with the pace. John went on ahead and I focused on running as fast as I could. I got to 13 miles in 2:05 and felt ok. I cooled off with sponges when available kept drinking and stuck to the eating plan. 

I chatted to a few people around the course, was pleased to see my sister and nephew and other friends around the course, don't think it was planned but they were at just the right intervals to be perfectly positioned for optimum encouragement. Thank you to you all for the support it was amazing and very much appreciated. 

Lindley came out on his bike after taking his daughter home and offered words of encouragement whilst cycling around chatting to people. It helped me to keep running as couldn't get caught walking!! 

I have developed a real hatred of miles 18 - 22 in marathons. This is usually the time I will have a mental low point, hate running and wonder why I do this!! It didn't happen this time I was suddenly at 20 miles and still happy!! I knew I wasn't going to make sub 4:15 and just aimed to keep running and do the best time I could.

At mile 21ish I went past a lady crying into her phone. I stopped to check she was ok and see if she needed anything. She was having a rough day but got running again, and we chatted for a bit, before I carried on ahead. Was really pleased to see her finish only a minute or so behind me.

A hug from Kerry was perfectly timed at about 22.5 miles and being told just over a parkrun left spurred me on to get it finished. Mentally I was feeling good, maybe the positive thinking, visualisation and relaxed start really was working.

I finally finished in 4:41:30 and though way off target I'm happy with how it went, I ran almost all of it apart from a few hills (the new hill at mile 14 is evil!) I had to focus and push myself to do this time so really feel it was a step forward it the battle with my head! 

I have to say this really was one of my happiest and mentally strong marathons. I genuinely enjoyed every step. Would have preferred it to have been cooler but no point stressing over stuff you can't change. 

Thanks again to everyone who supported, friends, family, marshals and other runners. It's always easy to see why Halstead Marathon rates so highly in Runners World it really is a friendly, well organised marathon with a challenging but very pretty course. I am sure I will be back again next year. 

Have a good week and happy running xx 

Training 2015 so far...

I have neglected my blog recently so guess it's time for a catch up...

I will be brutally honest and say I've had some ups and downs since St Peters Way, not physically but mentally it's been tough at times. I haven't lost my love of running (I am as obsessed as ever!) but I have at times slipped back to thinking of myself as a slow plodder who can't run fast.

This is where having a coach really works for me, Lindley has never stopped believing that I am more than capable of achieving what I want to, he has been harsh at times when it was needed but the constant support over the past few months has helped shift the negativity. Last week I felt rubbish every run was hard work and I felt really unfit. Halstead Marathon (yes it is 26.2 miles!!) is next week and I was having serious doubts that I can get any where near the target time. Lindley pointed out that I should feel tired at the end of marathon training and not to worry it was time to taper. 

I have been running lots more tough session, tempo runs, intervals, suicide sprints and hills as well as the long weekend runs, just over 600 miles already this year. I am loving that I now have friends that want to come and run hills with me and these sessions are now good fun with good company (thanks Richard, Len, Dan, Pete and Michelle). So yes some tiredness should be expected, I stick to my training plan to the letter and have no problem getting out and doing the sessions each day even it means a 5am start to get it in before work! 

      Hill training with Great Notley parkrun core team.

Yesterday's parkrun has really boosted my confidence that I'm not falling apart, ran 25:25 the fastest since September last year and managed a sub 8 minute mile! I also ran in Hokas for the first time and instantly love them! 

      Sprint finish at parkrun yesterday.

So I am ready for Halstead, I can run it fast and as easy as it is to say that while comfortable on the sofa, next Sunday will be all about positivity and self-belief! I can and will do this...

Have a good week and happy running xx 

      Pictures from a back to back long run weekend! 

St Peters Way

First and foremost I have to say I had a brilliant day, weather was perfect and it was awesome...

Hmmm but I wasn't as quick as I wanted or should have been. I have been thinking about this a lot today during my drive to Worcester and back! The conclusion I have come to is I am like the child at school who is great in class, answers every question, work all completed to a high standard but put an exam paper in front of them and they go to pieces. That's me on race day! I do the training, it goes well and then race day comes around and the nerves and doubts begin and I am convinced it affects performance. My goal is to overcome this, I don't know how yet but I will do it...

       At the start

Anyway back to St Peters Way, 45 miles from Chipping Ongar to Bradwell-on-sea, I knew it was going to be muddy and I was prepared. I wasn't prepared to be running on day 1 of my period (sorry to any guys reading but I have to mention this!) it wasn't due, I wasn't expecting it and I wasn't impressed!! Popping behind a tree for a wee is one thing having to sort out other bits isn't so much fun, a more secluded spot is needed! As it turned out it didn't really give me any extra problems on race day but was an extra stress I didn't need! 

Registration, kit check and race brief done and we were off, it took me two whole legs to settle into the race and get my head into navigation mode, made some silly errors (how I suddenly didn't know my left from right I don't know!) I slipped in the mud about five miles in and had a horrible moment where I thought I had seriously hurt my left hamstring and ankle, but a stretch and a gentle run forwards and nothing felt too bad. My hamstring did twinge and niggle throughout the day and slowed my running down but I could still move forwards so just kept going at the best speed I could. 

After very brief stops at checkpoints one and two I decided to have a minute longer at three to regroup make sure I'd eaten enough and made the decision to see if a couple of paracetamol would get me moving a bit quicker. 

After leaving checkpoint three I did some maths and knew what speed I needed to stick at if I was going to better last years time it was going to be close. Even though I can't say my left leg was properly injured the earlier slip had obviously pulled things and power walking was proving less painful and quicker than the shuffly run I could manage. So a power walk to the finish it was going to be, I was  always walking at four and a half miles an hour or quicker during the last two legs and even managed to overtake someone still running! I had enough food and drink to see me to the end so chose not to stop at checkpoint four. I shouted them my race number and said I'm not stopping, Vicky a friend who was at that CP said she needed a photo, so I paused very, very briefly and got on my way.

     Very brief pose at CP4! 

I haven't mentioned the mud much, but there was lots and lots and lots, who knew there were so many different types of mud! I was running in shorts and was caked in it when I got to the end, I'm not sure what was in the mud but when I washed it off (it took two baths!) I was left with a burning, red rash all over my lower legs! 

      Post race foot!! 

Anyway back to the last leg, I was determined to finish before needing my headtorch but as it was getting colder I got it out at the same time as putting on an extra layer, this I managed without stopping, Lindley's advice of no matter what just keep moving was in my head and I was not going to slow down or stop for anything! I did a little (early) victory dance as the chapel came in to view and I knew I was nearly finished. I had about 30 minutes to get to the finish in the same time as last year. So I tried running 100 steps then walking 100 it seemed to work and the counting kept my head occupied! I was so pleased to see Maxine and Brian as I crossed the line, along with Richard, Rob and Len who had come to see myself and Lorraine finish, well done Lorraine on second female finisher, awesome running. My final time was 10:06 seven minutes quicker than last year. It is a great feeling to have friends at the finish line so thank you all for coming out to support and for driving me home, possibly not an offer I will get again after repeating last years post race vomiting! 

     Finished!

I'm not hugely disappointed, I had a fantastic day but am frustrated that I don't perform as well as I know I could and should on race day. This is something I will conquer and hopefully some day out on the trails the final piece of the puzzle will fall into place and I will achieve my full potential. Until then I will keep running, keep training and most importantly keep enjoying it!! I still get excited when I get my new training plan each month, I love long Sunday morning runs, and I love going to races. I guess when it stops being fun that's the time for a rethink...

Thank you to Lindley, Maxine and all the volunteers at Challenge Running for all the support and an awesome event.

     Lorraine (2nd place female) myself and Lindley 

Happy running all xx 

Trying to train the head...

As we approach the end of February and my first ultra of the year training is going well, 223 miles for the year so far, missed a few sessions at the beginning of the month due to a virus doing the rounds at school. This was frustrating but couldn't be helped and I have learned from experience that training through a bug doesn't achieve much so reluctantly followed Lindley's advice just to take a few days and recover properly.

Have also been frustrated that the speedy sessions in my plan such as tempo runs, parkruns etc haven't been as speedy as they should have been. I do think it is a mental thing and not because I can't run that fast, I will keep persevering and am determined to run some sub 8 minute miles! 

On a more positive note my long runs have been going really well have run with Lindley, Maxine and Naomi at various times over the past month and managed to run some decent times and not feel completely destroyed at the end. Think I have found a nutrition strategy that works, nakd bars and Freddos alternately about every two miles! I have ordered some Nakd bars in bulk to get through St Peters Way next Sunday.

Physically I feel 100% ready (I am keeping well away from my son who has a cold and am washing my hands obsessively!) I know what I want to achieve and just need to keep mentally strong on the day. I am refusing to do the usual things this week that stress me before a race, so no continual checking of the weather forecast for Sunday, kit will be packed and then left alone and I will arrive at the start line calm and focused. Well that is the plan!! I really do believe my mental state beforehand plays a big part on performance on the day, so trying a different approach to see if it helps. On the day I know I can achieve my goals if I just keep my head in the right place. I will be running my own race, for me and no one else.

I am a different runner to this time last year, stronger and more focused and although I know it's easy to say all this from the warmth of my sofa I need to keep believing it for the 45 miles from Chipping Ongar to Bradwell-on-Sea.

The first few weeks...

So with Christmas, New Year, Birthday out of the way the focus is on training hard and getting ready for this years races.

St Peters Way is only six weeks away and training is going well. Have been out for some muddy trail runs and feeling so much stronger than this time last year. Last weekend I ran an out and back section of the Essex Way and coincidentally I had done the same run almost a year ago, I was 17 minutes quicker and running into a strong headwind for much of it. I remember struggling with the route last year as it wasn't long after Lindley had started coaching me and I had messaged him saying how rubbish it had felt! 

Tuesday was hill training day, call me strange but I really enjoy hill sessions, these were particularly muddy (mud seems to feature quite heavily in my training at the moment!) but they felt good and I managed to stay on my feet! 

Thursday this week I had a three mile tempo run to do at 8minute miles and just about managed that, tempo runs were 9/9.5 minute miles a year ago. It has been good looking back at my journal from last year and really can see the progress I have made.

Today I ran legs 1&2 of St Peters Way with Lindley and Naomi, it was a lovely morning of running, if a bit muddy!

        Route description checking on St Peters Way

The weather and company were good and the fifteen miles flew by. My Brooks Cascadia that I have been running in for nearly a year have finally died and trying to decide whether to get another pair or some inov8 roclites, thinking maybe another pair of Brooks as those and my Drymax socks have been a great combination which have left me blister free over the past twelve months.

Physically I am fitter than I have ever been, and a good 9lbs lighter than a year ago so I know I have the fitness to achieve my goals. I just need to keep believing I can do it and get strong enough mentally to overcome the low points in the tough races that got the better of me last year. I know this year how tough the races are and that completing them won't be easy but with an extra dose of stubbornness and 100% focus and Lindley's continued support (and kick up the bum when required!) I believe my goals are achievable. 

      A muddy start to 2015! 

Have a great week everyone and happy running xx  

Flitch Way Marathon...

New Years Eve dawned cold and frosty, looked like it was going to be a great running day! Being local meant no stupidly early start, I wasn't racing it, was excited and unusually not in my normal pre race panic!

The Flitch Way Marathon started at The Discovery Centre, Great Notley and was an out and back with the turn around point being just past Takeley. I train on the Flitch Way regularly and was looking forward to a familiar run.

I enjoyed the look of disbelief on many faces as Lindley said the finish would be at the top of the hill at The Discovery Centre during the run brief, not sure if they thought he was joking or not!! I had known in advance and as our parkrun route takes in the hill and I do my hill training there I was not too worried!

The run started well although I probably went out a bit quick but I was happy and enjoying the day so just went with it. I looked forward to the checkpoints as I knew I had friends volunteering and it is always good to see a friendly face and receive some encouragement.

     Early in the race but was good to see Len and Dan from parkrun.

The going was pretty firm on the way out, a few icy patches, a bit of mud but all runnable and I reached half way and the turnaround point in 2:10 all was going well. I was struggling a little with my stomach and feeling a little queasy but otherwise all good.

Going back my pace dropped more than I would have liked, my stomach just wasn't right but I made the decision not to stop eating and drinking as I normally do if feeling sick and just kept with my practised eating schedule, this didn't make me feel any worse and kept my energy levels up. It made me smile that the only times I thought I was going to be sick was running through Dunmow and at Rayne Station both places where there were the most people around! Fortunately it didn't happen and I managed a steady plod back to Great Notley. I knew as long as I kept running albeit slowly I would make my target time which was between 4:45 and 5 hours. The route had thawed out a little on the way back and the one muddy section was very muddy! 

      Enjoying my run!

I made it to the top of the hill to claim my medal and t-shirt in 4:56 and feel satisfied with a good run. My previous hamstring injury caused me no problems and as this was the furthest I'd run since hurting it at Stor30 it was a great relief.

     My favourite medal of the year. 

A big thank you to Lindley and Maxine and all at Challenge Running for another brilliant event. The checkpoints as always were well stocked with all sorts of goodies. For me the fig rolls at CP2 were my favourite! The marshals did a fantastic job in the cold making sure we were well looked after. Would highly recommend this marathon it was the perfect way to end my running year.

Happy new year and happy running xx